Friend-ish: Reclaiming Real Friendship in a Culture of Confusion
By Kelly Needham
Reviewed by Ashley Davis
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The idea of friendship has evolved dramatically, for better or worse, in this digital age. Since early 2004 when Facebook and it’s “Friends” came on the scene, we’ve seen a huge shift in the true definition of friendship. In her book, Friendish, Kelly Needham takes a deeper look into the true, Biblical definition of friendship.
In the first few chapters of the book, Kelly explains the most obvious truth about friendship that we so often forget! Jesus is our ultimate friend, our greatest satisfaction. Far too often, we seek contentment and fulfillment through our earthly friendships – while all along we push aside our truest, most loyal companion. Kelly helps identify marks of counterfeit friendship: replacing Jesus, selfishness, and mimicking marriage. In the next portion of the book, the author gets down to the bedrock of relationship and discusses repentance, restitution, and the process of making God our primary source of stability, rather than other people. In the final chapters of the book, readers learn how to redefine friendship, their needs, their enemy, and their mission.
Almost nearly as helpful as the 163 pages of this book are the attached appendices. The topics of the appendices are as follows:
1) Jonathan and David: Allies for God’s Kingdom Not Covenanters Against Loneliness
2) Friendship Idolatry as a Catalyst for Same-Sex Desires
3) Is It Time to End a Friendship?
4) Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Friendships
Here are some quotes I liked from Friend-ish:
“I often ask friends to remind me of the truth that Jesus is an able savior for what I am facing. But this is different than looking to a friend to pull us out of the pit. When a friend seems like a more competent savior than Jesus, something is wrong” (27).
“But when we choose to take our longings to friends instead of Christ, it isn't real friendship. When we come thirsty, we simply end up using our friends to serve ourselves. A thirsty soul is a greedy soul, causing us to enter friendship as a consumer, looking for what we can get instead of what we can give” (34).
“And though it isn't ideal to be apart from the One our soul loves, knowing him in this life is still a joy far superior to all others” (87).
“Our friends do not answer to us; they answer to God. He is their king, their Lord, their first loyalty. It is not right to put ourselves above God in others' lives. If, in God's purposes and sovereignty, he changes their season of life, their availability, their responsibilities, it is our role as a friend to encourage and support that, even if it means a loss for us. This is the sacrificial love we are called to in friendship” (103).
"Worshipping together is front-line warfare" (113).
Audience:
Women 17+ would find this book useful. Some of the content could be sensitive for the immature reader.
Usefulness Rating:
Very useful! Many people are quite disillusioned when it comes to friendship these days. Needham’s book is timely and enlightening.
Entertainment Value:
Kelly includes some personal stories, but this book isn’t designed for mere entertainment.
Good For Groups:
This book isn’t specifically designed to be used in a group setting, although, it could be adapted for a small group of brave women willing to truly growth in Christlike, God-honoring friendship.
For more information about this book or other reading suggestions, feel free to contact me directly.
