Love Defined
Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships.
By Kristen Clark & Bethany Beal
Let’s conclude this three-book series recommendation! As I mentioned in the previous reviews in this series, these books don’t have to be read in a specific order (Girl Defined was released first, Love Defined was released second, and Sex, Purity, and the Longings was released third) and can be read as individual volumes, but they do go hand-in-hand. If you plan to read all three books or use all three with a group, doing them in order would be helpful since the ideas in each book can work cooperatively. Today’s recommendation covers Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships.
This one is for all the single ladies or for those who work closely with single young ladies like moms, youth pastor’s wives, and women involved in young adult ministries. Where Girl Defined helped us understand what it means to be a woman and Sex, Purity, and the Longings helped us understand how to keep to a life of sexual integrity in or out of a relationship, Love Defined is all about the relationships.
Here’s an idea of what the authors hope for readers to discover in Love Defined: a Biblical approach for true love and lasting relationships; God’s design for love, marriage, and sex; building a strong foundation for future marriage; practical insights for navigating the path to marriage; being satisfied in singleness; essential qualities for a future husband; building a love story that lasts.
This book is broken into five parts. Let’s do a quick review of each section.
Part one encourages readers to see through the world’s “Fairy Tale Façade” and jump off what the authors describe as the “Merry-Go-Round method” of relationships (catch the right guy; coast on infatuation; concentrate on your feelings; count on him to satisfy you; cry when it fails then begin at step one again).
In part two, the authors describe moving from little-girl crushes to big-girl relationships. They get to the heart of love, marriage, and sex by describing God’s spectacular design and definition for these things. The next chapter gives ideas for how to bring femininity into love life effectively. In the last chapter of this section, Kristen & Bethany give readers God’s timeless method for lasting relationships, the opposite of the “Merry-Go-Round method” described in the first section (cultivate the right heart; choose to seek wisdom; concentrate on God’s truth; count on Christ to satisfy you; continue to trust God if it ends).
Part three is all for the single and waiting ladies, those not in a relationship at present. For some context - at the time this book was written, Bethany was in her late twenties and still single with no marriage prospects on the horizon (as she describes it), so she knows what she’s talking about here. This section discusses how to trust God in singleness and five strategies for thriving as a single girl.
Part four gets into the nitty-gritty and shares information about how to be “just friends” with guys, dating non-Christians, qualities to look for in a future husband, practical strategies for developing a relationship (starting with friendship, keeping other people involved, seeking outside wisdom, etc.), romance without regrets, ten relationship red flags, and how to know if he’s “the one.” WOW. That’s a lot. In all reality, I think this is the section most teen girls would go to first when they pick up this book. Kristen & Bethany really go for THE hot-button topics in the Christian-teen dating world in this section.
Finally, part five encourages girls in how to live well on this side of the marriage altar by sharing advice from married women and inviting readers to commit to a Christ-centered, God-glorifying love story.
Love Defined is an invaluable resource for teen girls and young adult girls, whether they’re in a relationship or still single. This book addresses both of these common seasons for girls in the 13-30+ age range.
Here are a few quotes I liked from Love Defined:
“Jesus, the King of the universe, sacrificed His life so we could have eternal life. Jesus gave up the glorious perfections of heaven to die a criminal's death on our behalf. That, right there, is true love. God-defined love is built not on a foundation of self but rather on a foundation of self-sacrifice” (68).
“Even though emotions aren't a bad thing in and of themselves, they tend to make terrible leaders. It will serve us well to harness our emotions with God's truth” (105).
“Instead of wasting our days waiting for the next season, let's live with purpose and intention. Let's take advantage of this incredibly unique season of life and live with eternity in mind” (129).
"If you want to have a strong, pure, and holy marriage one day, you have to start building it now. A God-honoring relationship must be built on self-sacrificing love, not self-gratifying lust" (183).
“In our modern day and age, words like faithfulness, lifelong commitment, and covenant are not very popular. Instead, we prefer words such as soul mate, true love, and happiness. But the truth is, these feelings-based words do not produce the type of enduring marriages that we long for” (209).
Can you tell I had a hard time limiting my favorite quotes this time?? SO much rich, timely, approachable information is shared in this book!
Audience:
Women, girls 13+; The age appropriateness of this book will depend greatly on the maturity of the young reader.
Usefulness Rating:
Of the three books written by this sister-pair, I think this one may be the most valuable for your average Christian teen girl. This would certainly be helpful for leaders of teen and young adult girls as well.
Entertainment Value:
Kristen and Bethany use lots of personal stories, other people’s testimonies, and cultural references that keep this book engaging and entertaining.
Good for Groups:
I would recommend this book for group use. At the conclusion of each chapter, readers will find discussion and response questions to help them better engage with the chapter’s ideas and concepts.
To learn more about Kristen and Bethany, you can visit their website www.girldefined.com
For more information about this book or other reading suggestions, feel free to contact me directly.
