Written By: Annalissa Franco

February 20, 2022

I’ve yet to meet a woman who detests romantic love stories. Whether they’re drawn to the excitement of the pursuit and conquest, the pain of unrequited love, or the untimely tragedy of star-crossed lovers, the women I know are drawn to at least one romantic trope. I’ll admit I’m drawn to love stories with flawed protagonists, strained relationships, and a less than glamorous path to a happily ever after. I think that because I’m an analyst by nature, and fascinated by social psychology, complex love stories really resonate with me. I can tell you, however, I would have never thought I’d find myself in the middle of my very own love story – a complex unfailing love, kind of story.

If you’re the classic fairytale love story kind of gal, this devotional may not be for you. In fact, I am quite certain it’s not. As I prayerfully considered how to approach this topic, I felt compelled to remain quite candid and transparent, not for shock value, but if only to reach and connect with a friend I’ve yet to meet.

Several years ago, I had an affair. I broke my marriage vows, and betrayed my husband. Even now as I write these words, my chest tightens, my throat closes, and my body teeters between its fight or flight instincts. I’ll spare the internet the intimate backstory, as there’s no need to immortalize the sordid details of the relationship. In fact, I never thought that my writing and podcast debut would deal with the topic of infidelity, let alone my own.

As a young child, I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior, by which I mean, I followed Acts 2:38. I repented of my six-year-old sins and was filled with the Holy Spirit (I know this because I spoke in a language I didn’t know). I was baptized by immersion, and specifically invoking the name of Jesus. I always knew God had something special planned for my life, and that I would grow up to serve Christ first, then others through ministry.

God allowed me to experience life overseas as a child and teenager. I grew up in the missionary churches of Panama and Brazil, and dedicated my life to sharing the message of Jesus. I served in whatever capacity needed. I ministered in music, evangelized (old school door knocking and open-air evangelism on the corners of 3rd world streets), taught Bible studies, received visions, prophesied, preached, really, anything in ministry that you can think of, and all before I became an adult. Later, married now a family of four, we began serving God and others in the San Antonio, Texas metro area. At the height of our formal ministry track, my husband and I were Young Adult pastors at our local congregation. That’s right. This Young Adult pastor and Spanish worship leader committed what most people would consider to be the worst trespass against the sanctity of marriage. Yes my friend, this is a true story.

Yes My Friend, This Is A True Story.

I don’t think anyone ever wakes up in the morning, stares at themselves in the mirror and decides that they are going to pursue an emotional and/or sexual relationship outside of the boundaries of marriage. Instead, a culmination of a lack of communication, tallying resentments, a laundry list of unmet needs, and an overall disenchantment with married or single life are the far more likely motivators. Add in ample opportunity, and a sequence of poor decisions, and you have a warm petri dish of self-righteous betrayal. Don’t be fooled, infidelity is gender-neutral.

A quick Google search brings up all kinds of resources for women struggling as victims in the aftermath of an affair. What Google doesn’t bring up, are resources for women struggling with the aftermath of an affair as the wrongdoer.

I knew my actions were wrong, sinful, deplorable. I hated that I had allowed things to go so far. I was past the point of no return. I felt that I loved my husband, I just didn’t like him anymore. We’d “done life together” as is the cliché, and that kind of history doesn’t go away. The thought of reconciliation felt like signing up for a voluntary imprisonment. I wasn’t happy, and I couldn’t see how I could ever be happy in our marriage. It didn’t seem fair that I had to remain in an unfulfilling marriage just because it was the right thing to do. How was that even fair to him? How was that fair to our then teenage daughters? How could this be the will of God? No, there was no need to prolong the misery.

My Husband Would Not Grant Me A Divorce.

My husband would not grant me a divorce. Even after I embarrassed our family, and shamed our family’s name, he would not sign the divorce papers. He cited scripture, he recalled our vows, he absolutely drove me nuts. I was angry. I was angry that even after everything I’d done, and even when we agreed that we didn’t like each other anymore, he just would not let me go. This was absolute insanity. I felt forced to comply, to settle. Staying together didn’t make any sense, but something about throwing in the towel also didn’t feel right.

I Made The DECISION To Reconcile.

Yes, Just Like That I DECIDED.

Against my analytical nature, I made the decision to reconcile. I had very little desire to remain married, but I knew that I would regret it, if I didn’t at least give it my 100% effort. Yes, just like that I decided. I ended the affair, quit my job, changed my contact information, and set out on this new journey of figuring out how to piece together my marriage.

I wish I could tell you that God immediately turned my life around, but He didn’t. There was no miraculous healing of the hurt, no instant reunification of my family, and no relief from the shame I felt every time I walked through the doors of my church home with my red letter A, a-la-Hester Prynne. No one shamed me though, for which I am absolutely grateful, but I know that this is not the case in every congregation. American Christianity really does a disservice when it fails to provide real tangible resources to equip people to deal with the aftermath… When it hides behind church idioms, downplays the labor involved in reconciliation, and promotes the idea that life is all happiness, bubbles, and minivans. I promise you, if I read one more “God can restore your marriage”, or heard one more “oh, just give it to Lord”… I kid you not, I was ready to gouge my eyes out, and punch someone in the face. I’m sorry, no church-ism could fix my issues, and the last badge of marital success that I wanted, was a minivan.

Listen To This Devotion Podcast

**The Warm Blanket Of Shame**

I bundled myself in a warm blanket of shame, but couldn’t quite get comfortable. I knew my thoughts were wrong. I knew that God still had those plans He had whispered in my ears at eleven years old. I knew He wasn’t going to let me go.
I read Isaiah 54:10 (NIV), ‘’’…Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,’ says the LORD, who has compassion on you.” Could that really be true? Of course it was true. You see, I couldn’t comprehend God’s unfailing love without understanding what it is to fail. Maybe you’re in the thick of the aftermath of an affair or bound by sexual addiction. Let me be the first to tell you, He will not let you go. He’ll give you all the space you need, but the truth is we can allow our minds to control our reality if left unchecked.

I’m a failure. I don’t belong. I knew better. I made my bed, now I need to lie in it. All of these statements repeatedly play in our minds over and over, until we start to believe them. I don’t deserve to be loved. We self-sabotage due to our own feelings of unworthiness. We prefer the comfort of depression because it allows us to hide in broad daylight. It’s an age-old story. Adam told God in Genesis 3:10, “I hid myself because I was naked”. We hide ourselves after our sin is exposed. The evil one weaponizes our negative cognitions to wound and paralyze us within a cycle of self-harm. This is not the will of God.

My friend, mi amiga, there’s no low that surpasses the reach of God. Corrie Ten Boom said, “There is no pit so deep, that God's love is not deeper still.” It’s when we falter in our faithfulness to the One who has our hearts, that we comprehend the unfailing love of God. Christ relentlessly extends His unfailing love in spite of ourselves.

Can We Skip To The Good Part? YES!

Can we skip to the good part? Yes, not because I’m unwilling to share my story, but because I want to encourage you with where I am now. Because I was obedient to the Word of God and decided to honor my marriage, God walked beside me daily. Sometimes He stayed silent, sometimes He carried me, some days He left me a proverbial red rose at the foot of my bed. My husband and I grew to like each other. We hit up just about every coffee shop in town, reconnecting, dating each other all over again. We prayed together, grieved together, got annoyed with each other, laughed at each other, and cried together. Guided by our therapist (and, of course, the grace of God), we tore down the remnants of the old marriage and built a new one with respect toward each other. Our needs would be met. Resentments would be released. Our dreams would be aligned, and we would face life together, he and I, and only he and I.

Today, my husband and I are newly empty nesters. We start our days over coffee and kisses. God blessed me with a fast-growing career in the tech industry. He guided our financial decisions, and granted our dream of building our own home. Today, we minister with no desire for titles. We love God, and we want to see His message of salvation reach across the globe. I cannot imagine a man more perfect for me, and it’s scary to think I almost missed out on this amazing love story, as complex as it may be.

If my story resonates with you, know that you are not alone and others have walked this path before, regardless if church society prefers to keep it hush-hush. Maybe you’ve not struggled with this kind of fall, I’m so thankful you haven’t. I wouldn’t wish my journey on my worst enemy.

No matter your struggle, know that God’s Word is true. It’s also true that some reconciliation journeys require professional help, be it medical treatment with antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication, or intense therapy with a licensed professional counselor. Don’t be afraid; you are not alone.

Don’t Be Afraid; You Are Not Alone.

This week I encourage you to pray the Word of God, specifically Isaiah 50:7. “Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame.”

Weekly Prayer Focus:

There is no condemnation, no shame, that can stand in the face of our Almighty God. As you pray this week, consider the following statements:

Help me to forgive others when I am wronged
Help me to forgive myself when I have sinned
Help me to believe I’ve been forgiven
When I feel unworthy of Your love, remind me of your unfailing love
May Your covenant of peace reign true over my life
Help me be sensitive to others who may be going through the aftermath of an affair
Place someone on my heart with whom to share this story with

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the LORD, who has compassion on you.”(Isaiah 54:10, NIV)

Yes my friend, si mi amiga, this is true, esto si es verdad.

Love you,

Annalissa

Annalissa Franco

Annalissa Franco is an enthusiastic coffee-bibber who believes time is best spent making new friends and creating memories over shared meals. Annalissa currently works full-time as a Business Operations Manager for tech giant, Oracle Corporation, and oversees indirect sales support for Latin America. For the last two years, she was recognized as Oracle Top Talent, a designation awarded to an elite category of employees who exhibit high performance and potential (less than eight percent of the population). Her volunteer roles include Community Outreach Coordinator for Oracle Women's Leadership and ambassador for Oracle Diversity & Inclusion. Annalissa holds a Master of Arts in Administration-Communication Arts from the University of the Incarnate Word and plans to continue her education at the doctoral level. Also a fluent Portuguese and Spanish speaker, Annalissa has a heart for multicultural missions and bi-vocational ministry.

Newly empty nesters, Annalissa resides with her husband of fifteen years, Oscar, along the San Antonio River Walk. They enjoy coffee shop hopping with their two adult daughters, Kaitlyn and Amber. The Franco's are longtime members of Calvary Church in San Antonio, Texas, and have faithfully served in various ministries over the years. When she's not at Calvary, you can spot Annalissa cycling through downtown San Antonio or at the local farmer's market with her husband and their two miniature dachshunds, Chloe & Melitta.

Forgiving, Unfailing Love