The Cost of Control
By Sharon Hodde Miller
Reviewed by Ashley Davis
Have you ever felt yourself fighting for control? Sinking in anxiety? Always losing? In her book The Cost of Control, Sharon Hodde Miller examines why we control, how we control, what it costs us, and the real power God promises us.
The set up and organization of this book is interesting. The most helpful sections are found farther into the book, but if you jump right to those and skip Sharon’s foundations, you miss some critical pieces to understanding how progress can be made in this area of control. She begins with diving into the illusion of control and how we got to the place of control in the first part of the book which focuses on the “why” of control. Next, six different areas of life where we tend to exert control are discussed: knowledge and information, power, money, autonomy, theology, and shame. In the third part of the book, Sharon digs into the cost of our desires to control others, our circumstances, our bodies, our reputations, and our identities. In the fourth and final section, Sharon uncovers our power of agency and the one thing we can truly control.
Each of the short 15 chapters in this book concludes with a prayer and questions for personal reflection and self-examination. Perfect to pair with your prayer journal or a notebook.
While this book isn’t specifically designed for preacher’s/pastor’s wives, I think they would be a great audience for this book. Because Sharon is a pastor (and pastor’s wife), her personal experiences do have an impact on her perspective and writing in this book. I think that many minister’s wives could read this book and relate to several of the struggles surrounding control others, using your influence, and rightly minding reputation. All complicated and intricate facets of ministry life!
All that said, this book isn’t designed specifically for that audience, and would be helpful to most any reader!
Here are some quotes I liked from The Cost of Control:
“Only the soft and fertile heart will receive and cultivate the seed of the Sower and this teaches us a difficult truth: If the soil is hard, it doesn’t matter how much seed you throw at it” (58).
“The truth is, every time we face the urge to control, we are presented with a choice: Will we trust God or ourselves? This question is at the heart of our faith. If faith is believing in what we cannot see, control is the opposite. It is choosing to trust what we can see – namely, our own power, knowledge, and intentions” (130).
“If we cannot have contentment without the absence of limitations, then we will never be content” (143).
“That is what we do when reputation is our god. Honesty gets sacrificed on its altar” (149).
“To be ‘made in his image,’ then, is to be made to create…” (173).
Audience:
This book would be appropriate for women young adult and older.
Usefulness Rating:
Very useful!
Entertainment Value:
This book has entertaining elements and Sharon includes several personal stories and anecdotes that keep the reader engaged, but it is not intended merely for entertainment.
Good For Groups:
This book isn’t designed for groups, but each section does conclude with questions for reflection, so they could be modified for group discussion.
For more information about this book or other reading suggestions, feel free to contact me directly.
